Still Here, Still Standing

It’s already the end of September. I can’t believe more than half the year is gone. I’m just gonna put it out there, this year has been so hard for me and my family. Twenty eighteen has brought more tears and heartache than the past few years combined! The stress has brought on a lot of physical pain due to Fibro and emotional and mental anguish. I’m broken, hurt and in disbelief. But you know what? I’m still here! I’m still standing!

I’m one of those people who try to find the good in everybody. But there’s a downside to that. People will try to use my kindness for weakness. What most don’t know is that I have the gift of feeling trouble before it strikes. I also may never say a word but I’m by no means unaware of what being said and done. But I’m still standing. We’re still standing. God gives his toughest battles to His strongest soldiers. When it seems like all around me is falling apart I hold on to the fact that when I pray God answers. When I talk to God I’m able to listen and obey. I learned that from my momma.

I heard somewhere that life is simply a series of decisions. We all make good and bad decisions. But I think life is more than our decisions. I think the journey to a particular choice is much more important than the decision itself. I’ve spent years getting to know people who I thought were in my corner, who I thought were my sisters. But I only have two people, not including family, in my life who are truly my friends. I don’t take much away from my childhood,

but I do recognize something my father used to say as true. He said you have associates, not friends. A friend is worthy of being your family. Even if you do prove yourself worthy in your eyes, that “associate” may not see you that way. The decision they make to desert you may be because their perception of friendship is different than yours.

At any rate, this year, I have found out who is for me and who is against me. I learned that my ability to trust and see the good in everyone may not always be good for me. I have to reopen my gift of feeling people’s energy. I supposed just like many others, I wanted people to care about and people to care about me. There’s no crime in that. I’m a really closed off individual, so to open myself up to somebody means so much to me. We all get taken for a ride, hurt and used. I know now I need to take the advice that I gave to my children growing up, be careful of the company you keep. This year taught me lessons that broke my heart but I’m still here, still standing.

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