Biggest Fears

What is your biggest fear? And why? For me, I’ve been scared of cats my entire life. I can’t say for sure why but I do have a glimpse of a bad childhood memory concerning one and an infants death. But we all have those type of fears such as snakes or dogs. What about personal fears? One of my personal fears is the fear of rejection. I actually tried to publish my first book concerning fibromyalgia with only 28 pages in the early 2000s. I sent copies to every publisher that I could. I received rejection letters from all but one Dorrance Publishing Company. At the time I didn’t have the money they required to publish with them. Now I’m trying to self publish two books, my poetry book, My Poetic Life and my book about my experiences with fibromyalgia entitled and copywritten Fibromyalgia: Behind the Walls of Silence. I’m so very happy to have the opportunity to self publish. I’m proud of my eye for photography because I have enough photos I’ve taken to illustrate my poetry book. I’m thrilled to be working on my life dream.

Am I still fearful? Of course, I am only because I’m human. But I know God now. My faith is bigger than any fear. That is the best feeling in the world. To live a life where you are able to use your faith to overcome your fears brings about a special kind of freedom. A freedom that has cleared my mind and freed me from terrible self-doubt. With the possibility of rejection being off the table, I’m grateful my faith helps with any misguided fear. When I was younger, I didn’t have control over my fears especially when life handed me one rejection notice after another.

The rejection caused meet to stop believing in myself. I stopped pursuing publication for over 15 years. Now that I’m able to refocus on myself after raising my two beautiful children, I’m giving it another shot. I want to leave them and my one-year-old granddaughter a legacy. I know poetry books do not sell a lot of copies but it’s not that type of legacy I’m trying to leave. I want this book to be a reminder to them to always pursue their dreams. Even if that means waiting until you’re 45 years old, you can always make your dreams come true. I’m making these steps so they can make their own one day, not following in mine but exceeding them. They are my legacy, my lineage, my greatest accomplishments, and hugest blessings. I’ve learned through my mother that there’s always something new your mother can teach you. You just have to be willing to still learn from her. Perhaps you will learn how to overcome your own fears by watching her conquer her own. Although I don’t think I’ll ever not be afraid of cats, that’s okay. As long as I am no longer afraid of rejection by the end of this journey, I have accomplished my goal.

I am striving to be a braver woman because I have so many other fears. To be perfectly honest, a lot of things terrify me. I have more than my share of biggest fears. I want to tackle them one at a time and overcome each one. I have only just begun. I’ll let y’all in on an unusual fear of mine. It’s strange because I’ll stress over having to be around large crowds. But once I’m out the door, and among the crowd, I don’t think anything about being afraid. I often wonder if others deal with this too. For another example, I’m terrified of meeting new people. But once I’m there in their presence talking to them, I may be nervous, but I don’t even think about being afraid. My question to myself which I will find the answer to is, why be afraid, to begin with?

So by the end of compiling this poetry book, My Poetic Life, I will have dug deep, researched and discovered what are all my biggest fears, why I have them, how to accept, cope with and conquer them all. Come along on this journey with me. It’s not just about the book I’m writing, but about self-actualization and discovery. I think, if willing, we all can learn from one another. I would love the input of my readers on this blog especially. What’s your biggest fear? How do you cope with it? If possible, how did you conquer it? Let’s talk.

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