Yesterday, my niece LaShontae Furr, reposted a touching video on FaceBook about how mothers see themselves versus how their children see them. I told her that I may write about it. I found the outcome very interesting. The mothers saw themselves in mostly a negative light but their children only saw the good in them. Isn’t that amazing? Their thoughts were exact opposites. It was joyful to see the mothers through their children’s eyes. If only we could automatically know what our babies thought of us, I believe we would be the best version of ourselves. The mothers in this video saw that they were the light in their kid’s eyes and also saw where they could improve.
Personally, I’ve always thought I had many shortcomings as a mother. I have asked my children before if I am a good mother to them and they’ve always said yes. I still wonder what they really think. So I’ve asked them both in a text to tell me what they think of my mothering. I’m awaiting their responses right now.
I believe I wasn’t the best mother because I was sick when my children were small. I also allowed that sickness to completely take over my life and get me down. I spent a lot of time in bed. But I don’t believe I ever missed a school program for either one or my niece and nephew. When a field trip called for a lot of walking, I sent my brother to my place so my child would not miss out on a field trip. I think while my son was in grade school and my daughter in Middle School, I missed spending the time I should’ve spent with them. Although my mom was there to pick up my slack, I think they wanted their mother to be there too. I feel horrible about that because I can’t get that time back. My son was going through being bullied and hid it from me for a long time. It doesn’t make me feel better because I took care of it when I found out because he felt like he couldn’t come to me. I often wonder what else did my kids go through that they felt like they couldn’t come to me about. Those were the hardest years.
I regret a lot even though I know this illness was the cause like being asleep as my children went to school in the morning, never eating dinner together at the kitchen, not taking them places kids want to go, canceling our plans at the last minute because I was too sick to go, and missing special moments I can never get back. Now that they are young adults, and I am better, I try my best to be here for them whatever they may need. If I have it, it is theirs. So mom’s, if you are able, do all you can with your babies while they are young. Believe me when I say this will happen; you’ll look up one day and they be celebrating their sweet sixteen and you’ll wonder where did the time go.
My home is empty of children now (my daughter is almost 23 and my son is twenty-one) and for a mother like me, who loves her children more than life itself, that is so hard to accept. I’m keeping busy with this blog, a writer from home job I recently was hired for, my crochet business, writing two books and getting better at my makeup game. You see how many things I have to do to remain sane without my babies to take care of? Lol! They are my life, my heart, my world and I will be here for them forever. In fact, I’m doing this for them. I want them to benefit from the books I sell and the job I have. I still want to give them the world. I suppose that need will never go away!
As I complete this portion of this article, and I await the responses of my kids, I must admit I am a little nervous about what their answers will be. Will they think I was overbearing, smothering, not there, or hard to love? I hope not! Lol. I will write a follow-up to this article detailing their thoughts compared to mine. I know that I cherish my mother. She is my heart as well. There’s nothing I wouldn’t do for her. I look at her as a mother and see no wrong. She is the best mother God could’ve given me. She’s done so much for me that I will forever be grateful! Perhaps, my two children will think something similar to me. We shall see.