When thinking about all things I have to be grateful for Thanksgiving, including my Lord and Savior, and my family and friends, one more important thing comes to mind, my mental health. At 45, I’m trying my best to get it together enough so I do not have a midlife crisis. I’m at that age for women, and this year has truly tried me in every way. After last year’s blessings of my first granddaughter and surviving two near-death experiences, this year just began on a bad note. January 2018 through maybe May was riddled with one personal issue after another. Not one relationship worked out. The things men do as children to hurt their girlfriends, well apparently they still do these things as adults. Sometimes it takes me a while to allow myself feel to something for someone else because of this fact. But I digress, it is easy for us to be consumed by personal problems, issues with friendships or even ongoing family issues. Sometimes there is just one more big thing added to all the small ones that become the straw that broke the camel’s back, so to speak. Well, although my family and I have been through it this year, we know that life itself is an entire blessing.
In my early twenties, like many young people, I’d have a hard time bouncing back from times like these. I thought heavily about suicide twice. What many people don’t realize is that for most, suicide isn’t about being selfish because. In that person’s head, they have worked out everything for everyone in their life. In their state of mind, it all makes complete sense. They aren’t thinking, so much as to why they don’t want to live, but that they will no longer be a burden. I heard a quote once that says, suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. I feel awful for families and individuals who don’t have a great family or support system in their lives. Thank God that twenty plus years later, I’m still here able to write about it and hope to touch somebody with my words.
I must say that I learned enough about friends this year to carefully select mine from now on. The thing about friends is that they are few, far and in between. If you have more than a handful, you have too many. My dad used to say we don’t have friends; we have acquaintances. I like to think that true friend, like sisters or brother’s to you, know your heart and you theirs. You don’t want to keep unhappy, jealous individuals as your friends because regardless of the years invested, where they’ve taken you together or how good you are to them, they will eventually show you who they are. Not many people deserve the title friend, so be careful who you give it to. Even though losing “friends” can be upsetting, wait it out because God takes people out of your life so He can put His people it. Can I get an Amen?!!
We all get to a point in life when we just think there’s no way we can go on; when things keep piling up one after another to the point where despair can creep in. I went through this too this summer when my baby Zy (whom I raised from 1 1/2 months to 5 1/2 years old) was moved upstate without my knowledge. I hurt like a mother should have because I did everything with and for her as if this little girl had come from my womb. But God! To keep me from losing it, my daughter asked me to come to visit. The beautiful bonus was being able to get to know and bond with my one-year-old granddaughter for two weeks. When upsetting things like this happens, we have to find a way to get it together and then find things that help us to keep it together.
With yet another month left in this year, for me, visiting my daughter, praying, journaling, writing, reading the Bible, and seeking the help of loved ones have been my saving Graces. No one thing cures a broken heart regardless of the cause. It was and still is a constant battle. But there’s nothing wrong with asking for help. People think reaching out is a sign of weakness when the real weakness lies in not doing so. So far through the many losses and heartbreaks of my life, I utilized a few “cures” that worked for me including several hundred good cries, a few thousand of my momma’s talks, a few new circles of friends, and infinite time to reflect on how to work through everything.
Remember that what you are going through, during your “broken camel’s back” moments, will not last forever. There is always something you can do to get you through even if you have to try several at a time, or do them over again. Do what works for you. In fact, just allowing yourself to wake up to a new day can be all the change you need. Then surround yourself with those things and people who will shine the smallest ray of light into your momentary darkness.
Sometimes we lose people so that we can see the difference between those we had in our lives and those we deserve in our lives. I was just happy because people who I needed to value more reached out to me! I found out that they are not only my sisters from other mothers/fathers but my sister’s in life and in Christ. I’m so thankful for them. They always know when I’m down before I say one word, even on Facebook, which I’m always on. They are always there for me and I love returning the favor. We don’t judge each other or bring one another down. We talk and really listen to one another. Sometimes all people need to get it together when life seems to fall apart, is someone that will be there whether they are needed or not. It used to bother me that people looked at the surface and judged me without getting to know me for me. But thank God for growth!! Now I know the only ones who matter are those who choose to see and know my heart from the beginning without me having to do something for the exchange. I’m glad to say that I know their hearts too. Therefore, I’m thankful this year to have made it to 45 years old, be invested in sisterhoods, not friendships, and thank you, Jesus, although I’ll still go through hard times, I’ve finally gotten it together ❤️God is good!
Happy Thanksgiving Everyone!
Special thanks to my small circle: if I leave out your name please forgive me.
My Mommy Sandra Furr
My big sister Beverly Furr
My children Brittney Essex and Trey Collins and granddaughter Avianna Essex
My Sis Bridgette Hargrove
My Sissy and twin Consuela Romero
My Sis Kawanda Bush Pace
My Sis Katrina Benson
All my family and friends
Thank you to my children for being my constant rays of sunshine in my life and thank you, Mommy,, Beverly, family, and ladies for all you do in my life!! I love Y’all!