I saw this beautiful post above on the Trail of No More Tears Facebook page tonight. It made me think of the times my spirit felt absolutely broken this year. But it also made me think of how much of a warrior I must be to have come back strong every time. I suppose it just felt like I was breaking because the hurt actually ached my heart and shook my world once or twice. I remember feeling like giving up on everything. My head physically and symbolically hung low. Whew, I was at a point in September where I had to leave town for a few weeks. I thought I was going to break down. But God! I was blessed to find refuge in my granddaughter’s eyes thanks to my daughter. At the time, it appeared that my life was being destroyed, but although I didn’t see it then, things were actually changing just enough to realign exactly right.
Let me show you a few examples just in case you’re going through it right now. Friends who were using me or who weren’t loyal to me left my life but I was able to focus my attention on those who truly care about me and have always been there even though I was blind to it. Look at God work. Also, my second near-death experience, in three months, occurred due to my meds and weight loss. Hold on, this is how. I was taking enough medicine for my original weight of 206 pounds but only weighed 150 pounds. This made me realize I needed to take better care of myself, lose weight permanently and get my medications adjusted for my new weight. That’s something a lot of people don’t think about, including doctors. Then, as if that wasn’t enough, I pursued a few relationships. Through the hurt, I realized they were never who I thought they were anyway. I got the closure I needed, plus it enlightened me to the fact that I had so much more to offer. It’s funny I was finally able to see my own worth through their attempts to belittle it. Thanks for that one guy!! Another thing I learned was that sometimes you outgrow people. You want and need your independence from them to grow as a person but you think you have to be loyal to them because of maybe the longevity of the relationship, the titles, guilt, or whatever the cause. I’m going to reference Mr. Steve Harvey again here. He said sometimes you’re loyal to people who are no longer loyal to you. And that’s ok, just let them go. You don’t have to have a conversation and neither of you owes the other anything. You find yourself free from the stress of trying so hard to be loyal to someone who didn’t value you. The deep breath I was able to take behind that one felt so good. Watch God though. Through hurt and loss, I gained a backbone!! Say that again. Yes, through hurt and loss I gained a backbone. I had to get sick and tired of being sick and tired first but now I stand up not only for my Mom but for myself. I’m not talking about eventually or always nicely like usual. I mean I say what I mean and I mean what I say the first time. I’ve saved so much time and energy lately just being straight and to the point with people who try to hurt me or my family. I’m still working on not feeling guilty about it, but hey, I’m a work in progress.😂
As this year comes slowly to a screeching end, due to these changes, I am more productive than I have been in years. I’ve written more poetry since July 2018, than I have in the last decade. Behind every loss, heartache, and tear, there’s been a triumph. I owe that only to God. So I believe the saying above is very true. I have stayed the path, regardless of how many obstacles have been thrown in my way and there have been many. The Bible states that God gives the toughest journeys to His strongest soldiers. I didn’t know that after all, I’ve already been through, childhood trauma, infidelity, divorce, death, sickness, heartache, failure, etc., that I still have strength left. Apparently, God knew my strength even though I did not. Now I find my strength in knowing that I’m here for it as long as God continues to use me and bless us all, including those no longer in my life. My path is the one less chosen but it’s mine and I know I’m never ever on its trails alone.
Y’all keep your head up! No one tragic thing last forever. Find your peace in your gifts. Your gifts are those things you do best in life. If it’s poetry, drawing, painting, music, mathematics, biology, networking, logistics, etc., use it. It’s the thing or things you know, above all, you were put here on this earth to do. Everybody has at least one. Cultivate it. Focus on it. Write out your wants, dreams, desires, and goals you will achieve and start checking them off. I’m living proof, you won’t have time for the foolery that led to you being broken-spirited. Know that whether you are a believer or not, God will work for you as long as you work for yourself.
By: Valerie Furr-Collins