Last week, I got, what at the time, was one of the worst calls I ever thought possible. After just a few words from my brother including, Momma passed out and had a stroke, I found myself faced with possibly losing my own mother. I instantly fell into a puddle of tears.
For the last six months or so, my mom started getting sick while doing simple tasks around the house. That day, she got sick but this time passed out while trying to cook dinner. The EMS thought she may have had a stroke. The same as her mother, my Grandma Leathia, 50 years ago.
I began to replay the last 48 hours with her in my head. She slept a little more than usual, but there was nothing else out of the ordinary. My mind was racing and it was hard to think that I hadn’t been there to hold her hand or tell her I love her. At that moment, I wasn’t a level headed nurse, I was my momma’s youngest daughter and for all I knew, my biggest supporter, my heart and best friend, could be leaving me. But God!
Two of my cast members got me to the hospital while praying all the way there. But by the time I finally got to see her, I was in full panic mode. Thank God, she was awake and talking. As usual, she was trying to be strong. Unbeknownst to her, she gets a panicky look in her eyes when she does that, surely the opposite of her intent. But, she tried to reassure me that she was ok.
God was in the blessing business because initial tests showed no evidence of a stroke, or anything wrong neurologically but the young doctor wanted to keep her overnight. Reluctantly, but wisely, she agreed. She ended up having to stay three days for unrelated issues and further testing. Last Sunday she was glad to finally get to go home.
Within the last fifteen years, I’ve lost my oldest brother, daddy, grandfather, aunts, uncles, cousins, and best (school) friend, but had I lost my Mommy that night, I don’t know how I would have survived that. Thank God I didn’t have to find out.
The whole night made me reevaluate other relationships. I’m not especially close to my four siblings, or extended family. Within the last year, I either parted ways with or just don’t have the same connection with close friends. So, except for my two children, my sister- friend Bridgette, my Sissy Consuela (from my blog: I Have A Doppelganger) and my sister-friend, Kawanda, I still find myself feeling alone.
Therefore, I really can’t imagine my world without my mother. We’ve been through everything together. I can’t fathom the heavy fear, loss, and emptiness that would consume me. So when I pray, I continue to speak life over her and us all. I will relish in this time I’ve been given to continue to care for her, love on her, and be in her wonderful presence. While another friend I checked on tonight, is still reeling from the loss of her mother, I just thank God for being in the midst that day for mine.
We’re only given one mother, so love her with all you are and tell her you love her all the time. Thank you to Jean and Linda for taking me to the hospital, praying steadfastly, calming me down and staying with me. I love you both very much!
Mommy showing her Apache/ Cherokee Indian heritage 100%! (2018)
Trey with his Grandma on his 21st birthday (2018)
Me and Mommy Christmas (2017)
Mommy on Easter last year (2018) showing off her recent weight loss! She worked hard!
I thank God for you Mommy and the joy of being your daughter!❤❤❤
I LOVE YOU, MOMMY😘😘