Poetry: The Sound of Silence

The Sound of Silence

I feel all alone in the middle of a crowd
Why and how is the silence so loud
I know he is speaking but I can’t hear
The meaning of his silence remains unclear
I can see his doubtful eyes in my mind
But I felt safe with him at the same time
My first mind said to be wary as you began
Don’t be so quick to give your heart to this man
But he said he loved me and touched my soul
No matter how tight I held on My heart let go
Without him knowing, it fell into his hands
I wanted forever; he wanted to be friends
I listened to his life story, every word every phase
I envisioned each scene he painted his way
If he wanted me to fall, fall hard I did
I thought he’d appreciate the love I would give
No more polite hellos, the phone no longer rang
Hurt set in, my hurt heart no longer sang
I feel broken inside when I’m so simple to hold
He doesn’t get it at all…the carelessness is bold
During life’s ups and downs and pushes and shoves
I find myself caught up in an on hold kind of love
Now my confidence is threatened by all this stuff
Because his occasional hello just isn’t enough
I’m tired and my heart is even weary somehow
I’m left to ponder what do I do now?
He would’ve loved who I am and been proud
It’s a shame he couldn’t hear his silence was too loud

By: Valerie Furr-Collins

Homecation

I began this blog, in July 2018. In a little over two months, I will be celebrating a year as @vfurrmstheblogger! I’m beyond proud because I have been able to get major issues off my mind and heart and touch a few people in the process. I have always loved writing. Ideas kind of flow and overflow at times until my mind or heart is clear.

I intended to use this blog as a book launching medium. I know I’m doing something good, but I’m not sure I’m doing my best to reach people. The few people who reach out to me after reading my blog thank me for being transparent, telling my truth, and giving them the courage to do the same. The only thing is I want to reach more people. I want my words to impact others in a positive way. I have blogged on issues from love, death, marriage, dating, and even abuse.

My mind was getting overworked so I took the last two weeks off from writing. Any blog or poetry idea I had, I jotted in my notes on my phone and left it there. My mind and body needed rest. It’s hard to get adequate rest when you can’t sleep normally due to insomnia. But the rest from the constant spewing of ideas and thoughts and finding the perfect wording for them felt good.

I didn’t go anywhere. I took a much-needed home-cation. I just rested. I caught up on some good TV, bonded with the twins, took care of my mom and took care of myself. I was able to take time to get some personal effects in order and checked off a huge goal by beginning to rebuild my credit. God said in His word that everything you lost will be given back unto you. I know that also means faith without works is dead. With some prayer and diligent work on my behalf, I know everything will work out well.

Although I spent the majority of my time at home, I did attend the event of my year, Mor-shy Productions Evening with the Stars formal affair. I stressed till the very last minute but I pulled off a beautiful black gown, silver jewelry, and modest red lipgloss well. All my fellow cast mates and those from other productions of Shawna Moore all looked marvelous!. We had a nice night.

I had time to work on a few of my vision board goals for 2019. I see some people do what I did last year, I wrote them down and that was as far as the goal went, making it to paper. But this year coming up on the fifth month, I have begun to make some real progress toward getting goals accomplished.

All in all my home-cation was good but I have never been so bored in my life. I am looking forward to getting back to writing and working hard developing these ideas I have. I am glad I gave myself a break. I listened to my body and mind. When I had more uncompleted blogs than complete, I knew it was time to rest. Today is Friday! It’s the weekend! I can hardly wait to pick back up on my incomplete posts from earlier this month. I’m back baby!!

My encouragement from this post is to please take care of yourself first, then help others. Always find time to do what you love. Be you. Be great! Live in your truth, and leave anything behind that makes you feel anything less than the Queen or King you were designed to be!

@vfurrmstheblogger

#homecation #vacation #bloglife #vfurrmstheblogger

What Do Single Women Want

I’ll start this by dissecting the title as I hate to be put in a box or in a category broad enough to describe “single women”. I pride myself on being a very unique individual. I’ve always held my own even when my entire world seemed to crash down around me. I am not like any other woman. No woman truly is. We all search for different things in life. Growing up I hoped to get married one day and have a family of my own. When it happened, I thought I found forever. I never thought I would be married, divorced and a single mother all before I turned thirty. It’s hard to find the rainbow until after the rain, but thank God for that rainbow!

Contrary to popular belief, all single mothers don’t want somebody for their kids to call daddy. My kid’s dad wasn’t very active in their lives growing up, but they never called anyone else Daddy. We want pretty much the same as most men, somebody to love us just as we are, faults and all. We all want to share our heart, life, and space with someone. We want someone to turn to when we find ourselves all alone. At least that’s what I’m looking for. Expectations beyond that point will end relationships before they begin. (Notice nothing materialistic was mentioned).

I don’t think we all find our person the first time we fall in love these days. It may take a time or two or ten. It saddens me to know that the world, culture, people, and even the sanctity of marriage is not the same as it was when my parents and grandparents were married. My parents were married and divorced, back together, separated again, then remarried all before he fell ill in 1993. After finding out his coma was permanent, my mom stayed true to him for 16 1/2 years. This year marked ten years my Dad’s been gone and till this day my mom has never dated another man. They were married 45 years before my Dad passed.

So, see it is simple! We just want loyalty and love that withstands the test of time. We don’t go into a relationship thinking our man is perfect or we’re perfect and no one is naive enough to believe they won’t have bad times. When you recognize you have a good thing, sticking it out and healing together through rough times only makes a relationship stronger.

Since we are in the age where marriage is not valued very much, we may have to slightly adjust our needs. But I think they’re the same for single men and women. Basically, at any age, we simply need partners willing to stay or let us go. Stay or leave when the novelty first wears off. That’s when you know if you love somebody.

If you’re going to leave, just leave. Make a respectable clean break and don’t play with the person’s heart afterward. Leave them alone because you’re wasting their time. If you’re going to stay; love hard, remain loyal and honest. Stay when you become parents for the first time or the sixth; when you’ve heard the same complaint about the hundredth time; stay when you long for momma (WELL), or when life kicks both y’all butts. If you are in love you need to stay through the I hate you, the crazy moments, through it all! As your life and love evolve and changes remain the person who will give them the love they deserve even if that means setting them free to find it.

Love for single mothers is different. But as a single woman on the other side of motherhood, I want someone for me who I can count on to love me the way I deserve. Now see that last one, “love me the way I deserve”, can be confusing to some. I didn’t say love me the way I deserve based on what I’ve been through in the past. Some partners try to take on that responsibility without being asked. Nobody wants that for real because we know their opinion of us will already be devalued from the start. They’ll feel like they have to fix you. Then we find ourselves in a new relationship with someone treating us, giving us, and loving us less than we deserve.

Most men generally aren’t as sensitive and are less willing to be vulnerable or show emotion when it comes to communication. The definition of relationships is forever evolving. Men may always feel the need to be the strong one, but single mothers, like myself, are used to playing that role. Men have to give us time to adjust to being taken care of instead of taking care of everyone else. Sometimes we just need to know that beyond your tough exterior, you have just as tender a heart for love as we do.

Unfortunately, we all don’t heal before going into a new relationship. Men and women begin anew all the time after being hurt, broken, divorced, run over, or even getting sick. It would be a perfect world if we all remembered that healing mentally is just as important as healing emotionally.

Regardless of what you think you know about someone past, never assume you can’t commit to someone who used to be broken, even if they have been to hell and back. You are dating who they are now, not who they used to be. The state of your heart by the time you decide to love again, should not dictate how you are treated. You don’t know what stage of their healing you’ve walked in on.

Give your all because nine times out of ten, if you allow yourself to be part of what brings peace, light, and love to someone, you’ll get peace, light, love, gratitude, and so much more in return. That’s all we single women want.

©vfurrmstheblogger#whatdosinglewomenwant #whatwomenwant #mypoeticlifethebook. #mypoeticlife

Their Wings Work

As a single mother, or being any parent for that matter, parenting may feel like it’s ended once your children are grown. I crashed and burned during my empty best season a few years ago when my only daughter married and moved halfway around the world and my only son graduated high school and moved into a dorm at college the same year. It took me a minute to adjust to feeling as if I was no longer needed.

My kids were my life. At times the two of them were my reason for living, literally! They saved me more times than I’d like to admit when I wanted to just give up to escape my pain. They kept me sane, alive and full of promise and purpose. The year they both were suddenly gone, I found myself lost and empty. I didn’t realize that they may not be in my home, but they still needed their mother, maybe not as much as I needed them but nonetheless.

Although my son is back home and my daughter and granddaughter are a 4-hour drive away, I still find myself worrying. Maybe more now because their decisions no longer hinge on what I think is right or wrong. They both have made me proud and are kind, loving, respectable young adults. They’ve always made good choices. But we live in a dangerous time which feels like it could mirror what it must have been like to be black in America in the 60s.

I fear for my children lives with more reason simply because of the color of their skin. My son, more than my daughter because he’s a young black man, not only in America but in the South. It’s sad as we remembered the assassination of Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr., April 4, 1969, I couldn’t help but realize just how close we have back trotted toward segregation, racial inequality, objectification, and the fearful panic of that era.

It’s important as parents of any race to raise children who do not see color even if color sees them. That is, children are not born with hatred and generational ignorance and biases toward other children. Hatred is taught. We have a moral obligation to the generations we will not live to see to mold young minds positively, teach love and not hate, teach about the way makers of our cultures (which remain absent from the textbooks) so our babies grow up knowing there’s nothing they can’t achieve.

Yes, I worry. But in a world separated by colorful divides, I taught my children to judge a person by their heart and not their skin color. It was said that I wasn’t preparing them for the real world, but evil doesn’t come in flavors. It’s all around us and sometimes in us. It never hurts to speak kindly to what may be allowing someone else to hurt inside. Smile, be respectful, love from a place deep within lit by God Himself. It’s made their lives better, easier and not any less aware of the hate that surrounds them.

One of the most important things to be as a parent to your child is their peace. Whether they are two or 62, they need to know that you are where they can come for safety. We can’t stop them from growing up and leaving the nest. We can equip them with everything they need to succeed and be there to catch them if they fall.

I’ve learned a lot from watching my mother, who at 75 years old, continues to be a parent, a safe haven, a teacher, a caregiver, a confident, and our peace. I’ve come to understand the two major keys that prevent her from becoming consumed with worry concerning her grown babies: One, prayer. She prays over all her children constantly even if she has to go in her war room and pray until something changes. Second, she tells me, “Remember YOU raised them. They learned that they can fly from you, so let them soar”.

So for my empty nester readers out there, remember that you’ve done your job. Regardless of who your children decide to be, your roll sort of evolves from teacher to spectator, from judge to juror; you are still a part of their life. Be present. Be helpful when they ask you to be. But always respect that this is their life. And at those times when you want to help your adult children, but you can’t or it’s not your place, simply remember this…Their. Wings. Work!

If or when they need their peace, their safe place, they’ll fly home to you❤❤.

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