You don’t owe them anything! You know, them, right? Those who hurt you and you think they deserve a second, third, or fourth chance. Yes, them. The truth is most hurt that ends in the dissolution of friendships or family ties are usually due to deep betrayal from one side or the other. But some cut ties due to outgrowing one another or finally seeing the person means you no good.
In my case, last year, it was due to a combination of reasons. Sometimes when you have a good heart, whether others recognize it or not, time apart will fool you into thinking you should reach out. If there is one thing I have learned, over the past five years or so, extending an olive branch is not always your responsibility. In a perfect world, the wrongdoer would offer a genuine heartfelt apology and the relationship will be salvaged.
But in the real world, things are said, feelings are hurt, and accusations are thrown left and right and none of it can be unheard or taken back. Even when the rift is caused by a mistake made on your part, although you would like them too, the other party does not have to accept your apology, forgive you, or want you in their life. As hurtful as that may be, our truest friend, time, makes sure that is not the end of the world.
I want to tell the full story about what happened to me but I will just say sometimes you think people know the real you. It’s normal to believe someone knows your heart after you’ve been there for the toughest time in one another’s lives, talked often, and they’ve even lived with you for some time. It’s saddening to realize after years of “friendship” that their opinion of you is not the same as yours for them. At the same time, keep in mind that this may be who they were all along, you just didn’t see it.
Never let someone’s words stamp permanently on your heart. Sometimes I used to think about hurtful things people have said to me and hearing those words in my head would bring back those painful feelings again. Now, I don’t allow myself to dwell on it. Also, I know pity parties lead to depression. Who wants to be depressed about something someone else thinks? Not me. My suggestion is to have your moment and then move on.
Also, after a year or two has passed, just because your heart has kept them in your thoughts and prayers, this doesn’t mean it’s time for them to be your life again. You don’t owe them anything. A phone, social media accounts, or correspondence of any kind works both ways. Don’t feel because you were blessed in your life and have a kind heart that you are responsible for mending fences or rebuilding burned bridges that you didn’t break.
My mom always taught us, after you do something to someone, apologize. It’s up to them to accept your apology. If they don’t and you’ve tried all you can to explain and rectify the situation, let it go, even if it means letting them go. She always tells us to put it in Gods hands and if you are meant to be friends or have a relationship, God will fix it.
So, that’s my advice in this blog post. Listen to my Momma’s advice and the wisdom-filled elders in your life. Lean on what you feel is right in your heart. Always know that if you have done your best, you don’t owe anyone any more chances to be in YOUR life. You are an amazing person and the loss is theirs, not yours. Plus, the scripture says that God will replace all that you’ve lost. I have the very best people in my life today. It may take some time and some tears but you can get through losing relationships or friendships especially with those whom you owe absolutely nothing.
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