Falling off the Wagon

I have fallen off the wagon y’all. I feel uncomfortable in the skin I’m in for the first time since my weight loss journey began in 2017. I had been fortunate to keep the weight off until recently when food, especially the pizza and parmesan bites from Domino’s Pizza, began to stick to my butt, hips, and stomach. I know from previous experience that telling myself, “Oh, don’t worry about those 3 or 4 pounds”, only leads to gaining more pounds. When I started gaining a few pounds before, I’d simply pushed back from the table, so to speak. But this gain came on so fast and it is not moving.

I’m hard on myself and I’m so disappointed that I’ve gained so much weight back. At least ten or fifteen pounds. That’s what I see, anyway. A tell-tell sign of rapid weight gain is the way my clothes fit. I didn’t even want to try to squeeze into my size 7 jeans last night for rehearsal. I noticed I’ve started wearing the clothes I bought for my trip to Hawaii in 2017. I was at about 150 then. When I think of my lowest at 138 pounds, being 150 or more really saddens me.

Every woman knows her body. We know what every inch of our body looks and feels like at our ideal weight. With me, heredity lets me know I’m gaining weight by the appearance of the double chin that runs deep with the women in my family. That happens way before an ounce can be seen on my body. Unfortunately, it’s so hard for me to get rid of that darn chin or any fat due to my extra slow metabolism.

But! I do know what to do to lose it. It’s all about discipline. It’s difficult to diet when you are on the same small budget but your family has grown overnight from eight to thirteen. But, for me, portion control and preparing your food correctly important. A good thing for me to remember is to is make sure I’m cutting back on fat and carbohydrates.

Read food labels. Know what you are putting in your body. My first step was replacing all soft drinks with water, sugar-free juice, camomile tea, sugar-free jello, and yogurt. So I don’t get tired of water, I drink or consume anything sugar and fat-free that will turn to liquid at room temperature. Hence, jello, pop cycles, ice pops, and Italian ice. A lot of people don’t think about this but I’m not a water drinker. So I substitute often.

Sometimes I see all this info on Facebook about cleanses. The 7-day cleanse or 14-day cleanse. They show before and after photos. I’m not sure how valid their claims are but I do understand that ridding your body of toxins, rebooting your body and allowing a healthy start to weight loss are important. But who has the money for those cleanses? I don’t! Plus, they want you to sell their products, be on video calls and bug your family and friends. I’m the worse people person on the planet, so I don’t sell anything.

So what do I do? I heard from one of my uncles that drinking a glass of warm water each morning helps cleanse your body of toxins. I must admit I haven’t been brave enough to try that one. I do drink a cup of coffee in the morning. That’s not the same though, is it? I’m trying to get in the habit of drinking a bottle of water at room temperature after my coffee. I have noticed it does help with irregularity or getting my digestive system moving when it won’t do so naturally.

The worse part of this is finding myself right back uncomfortable around other people. I hate the self-conscious feeling of thinking my flaws are on display in neon lights for everybody to see. My castmates are my extended family but I constantly kept trying to hide my stomach or hold my breath and squeeze it in. I need my make up to be perfect to compensate for feeling overweight again.

It’s awful to feel like this when I know I will get back on track. No one can do it but me. I don’t ever want to end up in the hospital again, two steps from being in ICU. I know what’s at stake. I think this blog is my way of telling myself what it is I need to do before it’s too late. It’s an affirmation to my mind and my heart because I not only do I want my health, my self-esteem, and peace of mind back; but the self-confidence that comes with hard work and accomplishing this for myself…is everything!

“Whenever I look down, my confidence shatters”

~Valerie Collins

#fallingoffthewagon #weightgain #weightlossjourney #fallingoff #selfconfidence #vfurrmstheblogger #valeriefurrcollins #mypoeticlifebook #abloggerslife #valeriemariecollins

11 thoughts on “Falling off the Wagon”

  1. You got this. Don’t beat yourself up. I have been keto for over a year in a few months. Now j need to gain about 5lbs. My goal was 150. Then said 145. In at 142. Guess the hospital didn’t help me with the gain. Don’t give up. God Bless


    1. Thank you! I could never give up. I’ve worked so hard. I just don’t know how to not go back into that mindset of low self-esteem and lack of confidence when I gain weight. I know I’m going to do what I have to to lose it but it’s mentally exhausting. Congratulations on your journey as well. Is Keto expensive to maintain?


      1. You’re welcome:) no, it’s not. Some say it is, but its how you buy and plan your meal. Remember you are love, your strong. You got this and ty. God Bless


  2. Don’t beat yourself up I have been there I have found a way that works for me Intermittent fasting and an entrepreneurial group on facebook if you are interested- there are so many of us like you and this is transforming so many lives – reach out of you want to know more Valerie


  3. Valerie, I could feel your emotional pain. I went through a similar situation when I was on chemotherapy for Breast Cancer. The chemicals in the treatment made me gain weight and the constipation was beyond words. I found that drinking warm water with lemon each night before bed helped me sleep, regulated and hydrated my system, and curbed my constant hunger which was a sign of imbalance. Let me know if this works for you. Remember, you are not alone. I am here for you.


    1. Thank you Kathleen,
      My Uncle told me about the warm glass of water, but I’m allergic to lemons, oranges, pineapples, and strawberries…all the good stuff! I haven’t been brave enough to try it but I’m going to do it tonight and see.
      Thanks I’ll keep you posted.


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