Betsy Blue

Nostalgia is a funny thing. Like dejavu, it hits out of the blue and can make you warm and tingly inside or breaks your heart all over again. About a month ago, I was driving, going to pick up my son from work. In my rear view mirror I saw a pale blue car that instantly threw me back to the mid 1990s. I found myself smiling at the memory of my first car, a pale blue, 4 door, 1990 Ford Tempo. My mom and I didn’t know much about car shopping but we went out and found my first disaster, I mean, my first car at Tucker Motors in Tuscaloosa, Al.

I was so excited to have my own vehicle. I washed it inside and out and gassed her up. Four road tests and a tearful breakdown in front of the state trooper later, I was licensed to drive. I remember feeling so grown up. I was barely 20, in college, had a reliable job, and now had my own car. I named her Betsy Blue.

The nastalgia I felt today as I kept that blue car in my sites was so refreshing. It reminded me of a time when I was young and free. I hadn’t had my heart broken, didn’t know the agony of moving away from home for the first time, the sting of chronic pain and fatigue, nor the heartbreak of losing a sibling or a parent. I rarely even got sick and it appeared figuratively, that everything I touched turned to gold.

I loved being able to pick up and go. I remember taking my mommy to see my dad in the nursing home. On my off days, she and I would leave the house around 9 am and go walking in the mall, do a little shopping, eat lunch and then go home. I just wanted something to take my Mommy wherever she needed to go and be able to get to work without having to walk home at midnight. I loved my Ford Tempo.

The moment took me back to my youth; when I was just discovering who I was and what life was all about. I wish I could have stopped the driver of that pale blue car and thanked them for the amazing memories that came streaming down, flooding my mind and heart with goodness and joy.

You may be wondering what made Betsy Blue my first disaster. Well old Betsy Blue ended up being a lemon. She broke down a month or so after I got her. The car lot refused to take her back and I refused to pay for a car I could not use. A little spat over an involuntary reposition came about when I had a tow company leave her on their lot but don’t worry, it all worked out. I never got another car from Tucker and was blessed with good driving cars since then. But I’ll always remember Betsy.

Property of Valerie Furr Collins


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You are your parents, ancestors and God’s perfect creation
You are many, many, many generations in the making.
You will live a grand life full of all the childhood wonderment that lies in your eyes


All of my greatest hopes and dreams beat to the beat of your heart
You can light a thousand sunsets with the brightness in your eyes
You alone hold my hearts content in your tiny hands


I look at you and see all that is good in this ugly world
I see the key to happiness embedded in your melanin
Your sweet laughter drowns out all the unpleasant noise of life
Your tiny warm embraces washes away anything unworthy in me


I have loved all my life but never knew a love like this
You have brought me more joy and hope in your four years than I have known in my almost 50.
You are my lifeline, you are my will power, you are my heart, you are my lineage.


One day you will read this and you will know just how big love can be
You will know what each word means and how they come together to describe the beauty that is you
You will know in that moment there is no greater love for me than you


For now, know that my heart leaps at just knowing you love me today as big as your little heart can. For now, I relish in hearing you call me Grandma. Each time I can’t help but to thank God that Mommy and Daddy’s Bug, GiGi’s CoCo, Gma’s Jellybean, my Beauty, Avianna Faith, YOU are ours

Love endlessly, Grandma

Copywritten 2022 #vfurrmstheblogger #granddaughter #poetry #poetry4thesoul #mypoeticlife #aviannafaith

6/8/22 Still Here

I miss you so much! At moments it feels like you’re still here but then the impact of remembering you are not is like a 2 ton truck. My heart breaks all over again. I started to get angry that you left me again, a few days ago. But then this morning after I dreamed we hugged and I cried and you told me it’s alright, it’s gonna be ok, I realized I can’t be mad at you for letting go. You didnt give up, you fought as hard and as long as you could, until you couldn’t anymore. I respect tf out of you for that! I just wasn’t ready TJ. The thought of you gone brings tears to my eyes because I didn’t get to say goodbye and I couldn’t and didn’t visit you like I should have while you were here. I just couldn’t stand the nursing home nor the fact you were there instead of well and home with us. I’m sorry I’m not strong, but TJ this here hurt me more than anything I’ve ever been through. And you know I’ve been through hell and back more times than I can count. I’m trying though. I’m trying to live in a world where you’re not physically here. I feel your spirit but even that hurts. I know you were telling me you were alright but I’m selfish with you because that’s not enough. I know one day it will be but today I just want my brother back. I just want one more chance to do right by you. One more chance to care for you, argue with you, cook for you, hear your voice, hear your laugh, see you play with Dem babies. It’s just so much. I love you and I’ll be forever hurt by your death. But I thank God for your life, for making you my brother. I miss you! I love you endlessly. That’s all for now.