I’ve always been annoyed by Valentines Day. I guess it started with not being able to celebrate it as a child. I never had a real relationship before my ex-husband. So for the better part of 11 years, he was the only person with whom I spent V-Day. I estimate that half those V Days were good, but the other half, whew chile, was hell on earth! I may be wrong, but I don’t remember ever getting a delivery like my co-workers and friends.
After our divorce, my then boyfriend/ fiance of four years would give me things to treat my illness, like lavender candles, Epsom salt, massagers and etc. He didn’t realize I wanted beautiful personal things like jewelry and flowers. After that, I even grew to hate flowers. Pitiful right? But I guess that was my way of dealing with never getting any. In fact, I’m not sure if he really understood me.
When he proposed, we were all at a restaurant having dinner. He sort of slams the box with the ring in it on the table in front of me and says, “Here!” Then he proceeds to tell me the Walmart receipt is in the bottom of the box. Lord knows I cannot make this stuff up! It wasn’t where the ring came from, but how he didn’t ask for my hand in marriage. It would not have mattered to me if he tied a string around my finger, just as long as he got down on one knee, told me he loved me and ASKED me to marry him.
Today, some ten plus years later, none of that matters. But these experiences and those since have only made my standards higher. I refuse to settle for anything less than I deserve. Still, it has been a hard holiday for me. I know it’s man-made but all the gushing is not easy to see when you know you’re a good woman who hasn’t been blessed to meet the right man.
Because life is so short, I have wondered sometimes if I let Mr. Right go or accidentally looked
over him. I’ve even gone back a few times just to find out I was right to move on the first time. I do still think about this one guy, but after going through a marriage always competing the other woman, I refuse to be “the other woman” because I don’t want any woman, wife or girlfriend to feel as insufficient, worthless and unloved as I felt being cheated on. But I do wish a Happy V Day to my exes!
As of this Valentines Day 2019, I am embracing this day. I am looking forward to celebrating this day with whomever God sees fit to send me. I’m not going to spend it sad-hearted anymore. Change is good only if you change yourself. In the meantime, I will continue to celebrate my children, my grandchild, my babies I’m helping to raise, my mother, my family and for the first time, myself!!
This year 2019 is my year of promise, growth, celebration, opportunities, healthiness, love, light, laughter, and joy. This is the year I stop wishing and wanting but actually do and accomplish!
Happy Valentines Day 2019 everyone!!
God bless you all!!