This past Halloween 2018 was my 45th birthday. I am so proud of the woman I’ve become over the past year. In January 2017, at 206 pounds, I was passing out, losing my breath, having asthma attacks and several other symptoms. I began a self-proclaimed weight loss journey. By March, I was down 14 pounds with just changing my eating habits. In May, I was seen by a pain specialist who ran a battery of tests. I found out I was very sick. Among the worst of the results were that my liver enzymes were off, my cholesterol was high, my kidneys had begun shutting down and I was diabetic. I was told if I didn’t change my lifestyle completely and began taking shots for diabetes, I wouldn’t be around very long. I even ended up in the hospital.
My daughter and her husband were to have their first child, my granddaughter, in September 2017. I needed to get stable enough to fly before then. I wanted to live but there were so many things wrong with me. I decided it was time to stop settling, get myself together, lose the weight and get back healthy. By the time I went to Hawaii, in August form granddaughters birth, I was down 30 pounds. I was so proud of myself. But I was still passing out. Shortly after returning home, one night, I became breathless, dizzy, faint and felt as if life was slipping away from me. I was rushed to the ER. When I woke up completely I had been admitted. The doctor told me if I had not come to the ER that night I would’ve died in my sleep. My diagnosis was that I was being over medicated. I was still taking enough meds for a 206pound woman instead of someone who weighed 160 pounds. The excess of the depression and fibromyalgia medications nearly killed me. I thank God for his mercy and grace. Regardless, I ended up having a great birthday that year.
Here it is a year later! My birthday surpassed last years because I’m healthy, happy, in less pain overall and I’m down to 140 pounds. I never thought I would ever be this small again. Also, I am writing again after years of writer’s block. After such a hellish time this year, I’m finally finding peace. I had to stop spending my time wanting people to see me for who I really am. Either they do or they don’t. I refuse to care anymore. I learned that only true friends see you for who you really are because but they know your heart. Plus, I had to stop trying to make peace and be Mrs. Fix it. I can only fix myself and pray others to do the same. I learned to get worrisome things off my chest in prayer and in poetry, then I let them go. No more holding on to things. This 45th birthday I am blessed with a lot of clarity into my life.
I realize at my wonderful age that settling is not an option. I know I deserve the best. Still, God’s word says He won’t give you more than you can bear, but He never said you won’t give it to yourself. I had to stop taking on other troubles, guilt, and burdens. It bothered me when those I love were in turmoil. But I cannot take care of everyone without caring for myself first. I’m very easy to love but if you choose not to, it won’t take my love from you, but it will take away my time. Like Tyler Perry’s character, MaDear said, I had to learn to let folks go!
Life’s too short to hold grudges or worry over burned bridges when you have everything you need to build new ones. Spend life loving those who love you, taking time out to know those that take time out to know you. When it comes to relationships, remember that nobody is perfect. But if you find yourself compromising your integrity, respect or happiness it’s not meant to be. Never put up with someone if they are constantly comparing you to others or they are convinced that you are something or someone that you know you are not. Red flags! This year’s relationships have taught me to pay attention to and heed red flags!
Lastly, my only birthday wish was for my family to just get through the day happy without feeling the heavy losses we’ve taken this year. God granted that wish by lightening the heaviness in our hearts. He placed the truth in our path and it made such a huge difference. I spent the day with my family. I don’t think I’ve ever had ‘Happy Birthday’ sung to me so many times. All the calls, texts and posts made my day. As a crafter, a donation of crochet supplies was brought to me early in the day by a great friend!! Thank you, Maria! That evening my daughter video chatted with me so I could see my granddaughter! My wonderful son was here with me. My nephew’s playing around reminded me so much of my late brother (his father) that I felt he was here in spirit. My two big sisters from out of town called to wish me a happy birthday! My beautiful mom was here with me as always. My whole day was perfect!
I’m blessed to have such an amazing group of people to call my family, my sister’s from other mothers and my friends. My life is so good right now and I honestly feel complete. I have some things to work out because like I said, no one is perfect. But with God as the head of my life, I believe these next 45 years will be victorious! I claim it!!
#victorious #Halloweenbirthday #Godsgraceandmercy #birthdaywishes #birthdayblessings #poetry #mypoeticlife #poetrybook #mypoeticlifebook #my_poetic_life_
My yearly birthday Halloween cup!
I made Parmesan, cheddar, lemon pepper shrimp with buttered cheddar biscuits. (Birthday Dinner)
Birthday Day 2 Domino’s Pizza special made for me with parmesan ranch, chicken, bacon, pineapples, black olives, extra cheese
Halloween 2017 CeCe was a witch, Xay was a preacher and Zy was Minnie Mouse
From a size 18-20 to a size 6-8… I’m so proud of me!!