For years all I wanted to do was let people know I was a nurse. To me, that, other than my children, was my great accomplishment in life. I settled for that as if when I die, the words “used to be a nurse” was all I wanted people to remember about me. I can just about pinpoint the moment I gave up on myself, but at this point, although it’s good to know, it’s no longer important. So I’ll just say, I stopped living and begun to simply exist. I didn’t even realize it. I used to be so hungry for life and learning. I always wanted more out of life, even if I allowed the need to lie dormant within my heart. Be careful to actually live and not just think about it. It’s so easy to lose yourself in silence.
Last year, shook me up. I really thank God for my growth since beginning this blog in July 2018. For years, I became content with being stagnant. My depression was at its worse, I was passing out, my migraines were intensifying, my anxiety was out of control, my pain level was off the charts and I was so unhealthy physically that before the end of 2017, I would almost die twice. Good thing that my momma taught me if it wasn’t for your hardships, you would never know there’s a God to bring you out. But God!
This past summer, several people were put in my life whose only purpose was to reignite my passion for growth; my passion for living. I probably would have never been able to claim just how far I had really come in life. Nor would I have seen that my hiatus from living my life had to come to an end. Also, I learned to never allow others to use your past against you to try to make you feel small, get at you, belittle your growth, or take you back there. I absolutely refuse!
In my past, I had been drained of all I was and felt as if I was nothing but an empty shell of a woman. I suffered and struggled through illness, heartbreak, breakdowns, sadness, manic depression, unhappiness, and despair. It took me over a decade to rebuild myself, then rebuild my life. I fought, scrapped and struggled to be the woman I am today. I didn’t know my own strength. Therefore, this situation only made me believe in myself again, my abilities and especially my gifts/talents.
Never before has my time meant so much to me than it does now. I have dedicated so much of it caring about what others thought of me. But I must give him his props for reigniting my fire for self-preservation! I can’t believe all the opportunities that have come my way since I’ve dedicated my time to my life. Dr. Maya Angelou wrote, “Do the best you can until you know better, when you know better, be better”. It’s ok to be selfish when you need to work on yourself.
I have not been this happy in so long that I keep waiting for the feeling to disappear. But every morning I wake up, it’s still there and I thank God! Praise break😇 I have been happy before, but sadly, it’s been so long ago, I can’t remember how it felt. Sometimes, I’m even scared to say the words, I. Am. Happy. But today I am standing in my truth, stumping on my fear, rising in my hope, holding on to my faith and I am declaring, I. AM. HAPPY! I’m speaking joy over my life. It’s so freeing to grow Y’all. I feel free just typing the words. I am in control of my happiness! It’s my growing season.
Licensed Practical nurse is just one of my hats and it’s not the only thing for which I wish to be remembered. Professionally, business owner, Poetess, and writer are a few other titles and before this year is out, Author, MUA, Actress and Spoken Word Performer, will be added to the list. Thank God there’s no time stamp on becoming woke. It felt so good to add to my resume a few days ago; to visually see my growth. I thank God for my contentment, love, hope, peace, and joy. As the Word says, Lean not on your own understanding.
This post is about overcoming and moving on. My intent is to encourage those who have gone through or are going through that when life’s storms appear relentless, stick it out, pray, lean on your support system and stay true to yourself. When the storm is over harvest your growth, use what you need and store the rest for when the next storm comes. You’ll be glad you did. Always remember to take time to rebuild, reinforce and plan for life’s emergencies. Brace yourself, my loves. By no means, be fearful; the storm is just growth in disguise.
So laugh, love and live your best life, finding comfort in knowing that you are prepared for all life has to throw at you. You are forever growing, never fleeting, and always moving, even if you have to move in silence, remain strong in your growing seasons.
Love and hugs, Val
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